Thursday, January 13, 2011

Escort - Telling A Man You Are An Escort

What would you tell your date when he asks, “So what do you do?”

You could always win a few extra minutes by saying, “Oh I brush my teeth, take showers, wake up every morning and check my mail box on Fridays!”

But eventually, all jokes aside, your date (if he is over 20 years old) will want to know what you do for a living. I honestly hate lying to the one I love. Sometimes lies are necessary if we want to spare a loved one the pain of a broken heart. Now, I may be getting a little ahead of myself. We are not ‘in love’ on our first date, unless it’s love at first sight! (Yes I believe in LUST at first sight…).

Let’s just say building a relationship on shaky ground is not worth having the relationship at all. And so after lots of thinking and convincing myself that I should not tell my future boyfriend that I work for an advertising company, I came up with a ‘new’ story ;)

I have met 5 men in these last 30 days. 3 of them never got past the first date, and two never made it past date #2. I am very picky and usually can feel a guy out during the first hour I am with him. When I’m on the phone with my friend after my date I have one or two words to describe each man -

#1 Black Guy - Talkative and Pushy. He would not for the life of me shut up. After a while I started to tune in and out of our conversations. He sucks the life out of me by the time our date is over; my ears and brain are exhausted!! He also tried to make out with me out front my apartment building on our second date!!!

#2 Decent Guy - Very Decent In Every Way. Those words say it all, he was just very boring and ordinary. I couldn’t say anything positive or negative. Didn’t go past date 1.

#3 Geeky Boy - Cheap Nerd. I actually thought he was a nice guy at first but he asked me out for dinner and did not pay for my tea and chicken wrap. Yes I had to buy my own dinner. And then he wanted to kiss me? Haha I told him straight out he was not getting any kissing from me (I never heard from him again).

#4 Finnish Guy - In La La Land. I met him for a date and 10 minutes in he said, “I made plans to go play video games with my buddy so we have about 30 minutes before I gotta go.” I think there is nothing worth mentioning at this point :)

#5 Real Dan - One word - Player!

It was my date with Real Dan that I started my new trend. We both went to a very-noisy-popular-even-on-a-week-night bar. He quickly asked me what I did for a living and I said -

“I am a manager of an escort agency.” Not really a lie right? I am a manager of ONE. Haha

He was fascinated! Not really the reaction I was going for. “Can you get my friends a discount?” He joked. Wow! What a nice thing to say, retard. We girls do this for a living. Asking us for discounts is quite offensive in my mind. I gave him a break though since it was our first date and he didn’t know I found it offensive.

I hung out with him for a couple of hours and decided to cut our date short. It was just too loud and he kept ogling me like I was the chicken fingers he just devoured. I didn’t eat anything (pub/bar food sucks), even the cranberry juice I had was excessively sweet. Yuck!

From that day forward, he would send me text messages full of sexual innuendo. I flirted too but kept on pushing him back. Just because I ‘manage an escort agency’ does not mean I don’t deserve to be respected and go slow. :)

He set date #2 with me for a Sunday evening. We were to go bowling together but for some reason I kept on getting this un-easy feeling about him. Just the way he talked to me and the combination of my PMS made me cancel our date. Here was our text message exchange:

Me - “I don’t feel like bowling tonight.”

Real Dan - “Someone had a rough day at the office ;) ”

Me - “Not really. Have a good night :) ”

Real Dan - “For sure, definitely a stay in and watch some movies kind of night. Gonna venture out and get some popcorn though. Wish me the best on my epic journey of survival.” (Yes it was a big winter storm! Wind 50 km/hour, - 30 Celsius).

Then 20 minutes later I got this text message:

Real Dan - “Hmmm…to bad for you, we haven’t met yet or I’d let you come over and keep me warm while we watched a couple with some hot cocoa.”

Me - “We haven’t met yet? LOL Who did you meet last Wednesday?” (Wednesday was the day we went on date #1)

Real Dan - “Huh?”

Me - “Read your last text. You saying too bad we haven’t met yet. :P ”

Real Dan - “Ohhh LOL I see. That was supposed to go to Cass. She is a friend of mine, used to have a thing back last year but it didn’t go anywhere obviously. Was busting her balls cause my roommate has a big time crush on her ;) ”

Me - “A friend you’ve never met yet? Interesting :) ”

Real Dan - “Nah more along the lines of roleplaying LOL Was at her party on New Years. Hadn’t talked to her in a while. So she was like ‘hey stranger what’s going on’ and then that was my message. But since we are on the topic, if you’ve got some cocoa, you are more then welcome to come over. Got about 7 movies I’ve saved up that I need to mow through.”

I did not respond …

1 hour later I got these text messages:

Real Dan - “LOL I am soooo fulla shit my eyes should be brown ;) Actually I was texting this other chick from the dating site. She a little old to be my type but thought I’d give her a shot anyways. Bored tonight so just talking shit. Anyways have a good one tonight, gonna cuddle up with my doggie on the couch and watch some bad movies.”

I did not respond. He is still texting me 4 days later!! I don’t bother wasting my time with this loser.


  1. How old is Dan? I ask because his player skills seem so novice that they are borderline high school. I'm 99% sure he sent you that "we haven’t met yet" text accidentally on purpose (if you know what I mean) as a weak attempt to spark interest. His textplanations (wow, new word!) are sooo long they almost reek of desperation. IME, real players do not chase girls in quite that manner - they are often quite good at making themselves seem flavour of the month and whether they really are or it's an act is quite irrelevant as long as the execution is effective.

    Anyway, I'm always!

  2. Hun as Patti Stanger would say, "Your picker is off" lol IDK if you meet these guys on a dating site or SD site, so maybe the first dates are more meet and greet, but they take time from your schedule and no one likes to waste time. Real Dan sound like he's special. lol. It is unfortunate, but we all fall into the trap of stereotyping expectations based upon profession. Date a Doctor and we think rich and maybe we can get free care. Date a lawyer and get free legal advice or a contractor and have him stop over to fix something. Sometimes it makes us feel important that we know someone and they treat us different from the average client. We all do this, maybe it is not a discount, but we treat our regular clients different from newbies. What is the same across all professions is the offer has to come from provider. If you had told Real Dan you were a lawyer, he probably would have asked if you could give out your number to friends for free legal advice, loser!

    Me, I have no advice, but from my first comment, I obviously watch too much TV :)

  3. @ Eden:

    Real Dan is 27..believe it or not. He's more a jerk than a player to be sure and his game is struggling LOL
    Whether he texted me intentionally or not...He did the wrong thing because it only turned me away completely. ;) thanks sweety

    @ brit:

    I meet these guys off a dating site (No SDs on my radar at all lately)....
    I'd say my picker is off too but then again it is good I find this a bit fun :D I like mixing things up on my and play.

    Thanks ;)

  4. lol At least Dan told the truth...

    haha.. I hate it when you get the guy who just cant take a hint and keeps calling.. Thats why I only give out my google number even to civie ppl.. Never know when the BLOCK button is going to come in handy!


  5. Butterfly SugarJan 17, 2011 05:04 PM

    LoL :-)

    Geeky Boy-Oh, hell no, you did NOT pay! Knock on wood, no one has ever asked me to or insinuated that I should pay. Of course, the tongue lashing they would get from me would not be good for them. A tea & wrap, that is nothing moneywise...He definitely gets a "Next!"

    Finnish Guy-Dumbass! I would've responded with "Let me help get you there on time...We can go our seperate ways now. Bye-ee!"

    Real Dan-Loser, his explanations were horrible lies, and the fact that he kept going with the lies is funny. Such complicated excuses. Funny that after all that, he kept thinking he had a shot :-)

  6. @ takeliaSB and Butterfly Sugar:

    Thank you! ;)

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