I need to get something off my mind before I can continue my story of the earlier posts. For the last couple of days I’ve been bothered by a thought - “why is it so difficult to let go of friends who are detrimental?”
I have been friends with a man for a couple of years, and he has been nothing but drama in the last two weeks. He’s been moping around ever since he found out that I have feelings for another man. A man, according to him, that does not deserve my attention. He cannot believe that after two years of being friends I do not care about how he feels - angry, hurt, and stupid.
Yes, he has been trying to send me on a guilt trip, but it is not working and now we have silence between us. I hope that he will get over it and understand that
a) He missed out with all his procrastinating. I knew this man had feelings for me (I did not beyond friends) but he did not do squat! He was convinced that had he been with me, eventually I would have fallen for him, the same way I had so fast for the new guy. I don’t believe it. One thing I know about myself (been tested), I do not develop feelings for someone over time if there was no initial flicker.
b) I never let him know that I have feelings for him beyond ‘friends’.
I did make a mistake! We had sex six times but he paid me for each encounter. He paid me like he would a prostitute. There was no discount.
Why did I have sex with him if we were friends? I wanted to get him hooked but not in a lovey-dovey way. Hooked for sex so that I can have a steady income with a minimal amount of risk… There I go again, my entrepreneur playing with a man’s heart.
I do not feel bad. I just find it difficult to let him go as a friend. I enjoyed our conversation (at times). I just need to keep straight. It’s like getting off drugs that you know are bad for you. I have to let him go because all his negative energy isn’t healthy.
How long will it take before I forget about him?